It is not easy. Especially for us, women. We’ve been told that we’re not enough. We’ve been told that we’re not perfect. We’ve been conditioned to put everything else before us. Life can be challenging and when a rough patch hits you, you start being unfair to yourself, let alone loving yourself.
Getting love from others is imperative, but loving ourselves first should be our top-most priority. Ladies, we need to hold our head and spirit high and keep loving ourselves in the good, the bad, and the ugly – come what may, because nobody else is going to do it for us. Some of us have been there and some of us are going through it. It might seem awkward because we haven’t been taught to do that, but it’s so darn easy! Here’s how you can begin with it…
Tell yourself what you love about yourself
Well, if you don’t know what you love about yourself, then that’s exactly where you begin from. You cannot not have any goodness in you. Take a pen and paper or type away on your phone, and note down all the good things that you love about yourself, and tell yourself that every single day. “I like that you are so dedicated to your job!” “I like how you smell in the mornings!” “You make good desserts!” Say these things to yourself every day and remind yourself how awesome you are!
Stop pleasing others
We all go through a phase where we do things to please those around us. We behave in a particular manner so that our friends and family like us more – even though we’re not comfortable. Stop doing that already! You’re not a jar of Nutella or mac n cheese that you’re going to please everyone. Accept that and align yourself with your cores and values. Lead a burden-free life.
Accept your flaws
Don’t shy away from them. Look them in the eye and accept them. Embrace your flaws and move ahead with them. Work on them so that they don’t hamper your well-being and growth. Don’t let anyone put you down for having flaws! Nobody is perfect you nobody needs to be. Get real, girl!
Take a break
Make it a habit to take breaks at regular intervals. Or, chuck that! You’re even allowed to take an impromptu break if you feel like you cannot deal with shit anymore (just inform the people who would be affected by it). Breaks are necessary. They give you the chance to breathe, unwind, retrospect, and rejuvenate. You do not get to feel guilty for taking them. You deserve them. Go for it!
The past is not going to change. The past is there so that you can learn from it and create a better future. You’re only going to make it tough for yourself if you beat yourself up for the things that you did. Accept it gracefully. It’s life and sometimes the shit hits the roof. Learn from your mistakes and move on. If you can, make amends, but don’t beat yourself up for things that are not going to chance.
Reduce your expectations
This one is again a toughie! We’re human beings, after all, and how can we not expect anything at all? I understand. But work on this step by step. Maintain a diary and note down the things that you are going to stop expecting from others. Once you achieve that, make more notes and tick those things off too. By not expecting anything, I don’t mean you don’t expect people to treat you respectfully. It means you work on the things that you expect people to do for you. Trust me, your life will be easier and happier!
Pick up a self-care practice
Take care of your mind. Take care of your mind. Take care of your soul. Set a self-care routine and follow it religiously. You could pick up a skin/hair care practice or a spiritual practice, or it could be a mix of both; like, giving yourself a head massage twice a week and doing yoga thrice a week. Nothing makes yourself feel better than taking care of yourself and you owe it to yourself.
Pick up a happyness practice
Well, self-care could mean happyness, but a happyness practice could be different from a self-care practice. It could be dancing, or cooking, or going for a drive, or talking to your mother every day – just anything that will give you happyness. Do this at least four times a week and you’ll realize what a mood enhancer this is!
The grudges. The expectations. The pain. The clutter. Let them go. Let go of everything that doesn’t serve you well. It is easy to hold on to the not-so-good things and let them eat you up from inside. Exert some willpower and let everything go. It doesn’t have to be done all at once. It’s a process and it will take time, but keep at it!
Yes, I know. It is easier said than done. But during times when things are tough, this one practice can really keep you going. It could be your healthy body, your cosy blanket, your lovely hair, your pet, the weather, your mother; all of that and so much more. You can start with the little things and you will start becoming grateful for the larger things in life. And as they say, gratitude attracts abundance. Treat life better and life will treat you better!
You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection! Let this be your mantra. It’s not selfish to love yourself.